3 Signs You’re Addicted To Drama In Your Love Life

We all like drama. After all, it’s embedded in our culture: from Netflix to reality shows, we are used to seeing stories with ups & downs. We like to watch Rachel & Ross date on and off, root for our favorite pair, discuss it with friends.

We like it so much we now consider it a normal part of life & relationship - and in the midst of that, became madly addicted to it.

Drama makes you feel alive. You like the rush of not knowing, the butterflies in your stomach and the shutter in your heart. You like the attention you get from friends too, when they ask about about the latest development of your love story/ies. I know that because I’ve been there.

I’m not judging you and you feeling bad about it is the last thing I want. But I do want to shine the light on this damaging pattern, because it’s not helping you get the relationship you truly want and need. And by that I mean : a healthy & supportive, long-term romantic partnership.

Here are the signs that you’re addicted to drama in your love life:

1. You’re always attracted by the same kind of people

You might have even said « Why do I always attract the same kind of people? » with frustration in your voice. You keep dating - if it even gets to this point - people who are unavailable.

They’re not available emotionally (they’re not comfortable sharing their feelings) or because of their situation, a long term relationship isn’t possible (they’re already in a committed relationship, they live far away, etc.).

To be clear, you might meet the love of your life, find out he’s already in a relationship and lives in another country and still make it work. That was my case. It’s not the 1 person who matters - it’s the pattern we’re exploring.

The people you tend to be attracted to is the unreliable bad boy, the distant player or the downright arrogant person.

One day they’re onto you, the other they’re super aloof. The hot and cold treatment makes your head spins and you cannot be sure of their feelings or intentions. You have to look for signs and proofs that they like you.

They seem so inaccessible and that’s what makes you want them. And if you’re honest with yourself, you know that the challenge matters more than the person him/herself. You enjoy the race - and might loose interest the moment someone reciprocate their interest to you.

2. You think a relationship with no drama is boring

As said earlier, we’ve come to think as a Society that drama is a normal part of relationship. Breaking news: it’s not.

When it comes to your romantic life, you might think: fighting is good, boring is bad. That’s a limiting belief - meaning, it’s a thought that limits your perception of the world and the possibilities of your life.

Let me ask you a question that might make you feel a bit shaky - so take a deep breath here:

what did your parent’s or caregivers’ relationship look like when you were growing up?

Was it full of arguments, ups & downs, yelling and crying? Were there episodes of arguments / breakups and then intense reconciliations? You see, we learn by modelling what we witness as children.

It might not be your direct parents - maybe it’s an aunt, maybe it’s a friend when you were a teen. Where did the drama first come from in your life? Find the source and you can reframe it.

One other thing to consider is that your brain may be addicted to drama.

When you’re stressed, your body releases feel good hormones to cope with it. With time, your whole nervous system can become addicted to the very substance it produces - looking for more drama, creating more stress in your life so it can get a hit.

To your addicted brain + to the inner child in you, a healthy relationship therefore looks like a boring one because it brings none of these components. But that doesn’t mean it’s the truth.

In the long run, all the drama is damaging not only to your nervous system and body (who are constantly on a high + searching for higher highs) but also to your relationships. And the same way you might have inherited this from your ancestors, you can pass it down to your children.

On the contrary, in a healthy relationship: you are calm around your partner, you know how they feel, you feel safe to communicate your needs and feelings. And you model it for those around you.

3. You have to regularly update your friends about your love stories.

I’ll start this one by saying: having a circle of friends who support you is amazing and so so important. They’re here for you and embrace you as you are ; friendship is such a gift.

I remember a time where I had to update my friends every other day at least about my love stories.

« This happened with this guy »
« And guess who sent me a text at 2am? »
« Well, turns out he’s a dick »

There was SO MUCH going on that it needed regular updates. This is how dramatic my love life was. Having so much to tell means that there is so many things happening - ups & downs - and that is drama. That applies wether you’re dating or in a long-term relationship (because drama doesn’t stop when you get into a relationship, oh nooooo).

Talking about the drama is actually part of the fun.

You tell your story and watch your friends’ reactions - surprise, shock, anger, worry, … You get to witness their emotions as you’re unfolding your tale and you like the attention.

They throw some insults about the person you’re talking about for good measure too. You get to create more drama out of your drama. And of course, they help you make a case for / against the person you’re seeing (depending on the day).

I’m NOT judging your friends. I’m NOT judging you. This is all normal.

How do you think I know so much about it? I’m saying this with a lot of compassion.

But radical honesty goes a long way towards helping you get what you want in a relationship. And anyways - you knew you were addicted to drama the moment you decided to read this ;)

It’s all about becoming aware of this. Then, you can change it.

Mind you, I still enjoy a bit of drama. If my best friend’s reading this she’ll approve because we DO like to talk about relationships and have guess-what-happened moments.

But the bottom line is: how does that make you feel?

Is that really how you want to feel about your love life in the long term?

Drama is fun and all-consuming. Like passion however, it is short-lived.

You finish a story and then there is another one. It’s like binging shows on Netflix. Except - we’re talking about your love life and real people and you seriously deserve better.

If you know it too, let’s chat. I help women just like you reclaim their power, so they can get what they want in their relationships + life.